If I could pretend that I'm asleep,
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls..
I think nobody knows..

Saturday, May 15, 2010


jam menunjukkan jam 1.43pagi dan aku masih lagi tak boleh tidur walaupon...

sakit kepala+stress+sedih+marah=silence.

aku hari ni mood macam kurang okeh.aku rasa gila sunyi dan perlukan sedikit ruang dan waktu untuk diri aku.aku ingat lagi kalau aku sedih aku suke tengok movie laila isabella,sebab citer ni sama macam aku dulu.serius aku sangat merindui diri aku yang lama yang orang tak perlu nak fuck pasal life aku,dari sekarang banyak aku makan hati dan sakit hati-my favourite quote-sebab nak jaga hati orang,hati aku macam sampah..dan sekarang hati aku macam sampah.

cd laila isabella aku dah hilang dah dekat 2tahun so aku gilalah dan psycho cd ni hilang,macam haram jer.aku sanggup tengok citer ni kat youtube.yang penting aku ada entertainment aku balik.

aku suke watak laila dalam citer ni cos macam diri aku yang dulu.aku rindu baju2 lama aku,aku nyer seluar lobos,aku nyer cap,rambut pendek aku.waah 2tahun aku berubah..
kadangkala aku tanya pada hati aku..happy tak aku?
mungkin ya mungkin tidak..
takper-aku selalu tepuk dada tanya hati!!!

"minum cendol hari sabtu memang dasar kepala batu"
macam tuhlah perangai aku.

yang penting ada aku kisah?

Friday, May 14, 2010


aku berdiri tegak seperti tiang yang kadangkala aku tidak tahu bila tiba masanya akan jatuh.
ketika aku sedang berdiri,maka datanglah angin yang meniup bayang-bayang manusia.
aku sedang kaku..
berjalan hingga kearah tiada penghujungnya.
hari ini aku melakar lukisan wajah,mungkin tak sehebat pelukis terkenal.

lalu,aku mula berbicara pada kata-kata dunia,
hidup tak semua yang kita dambarkan..
tidak seindah hikayat lagenda..
tidak seperti cerita tentang Adam.

tapi aku masih lagi keseorangan.
melakar sejarah hidup yang tiada kata-kata teman.
sedang aku penat dan lelah.
aku mula senyap.
lihatlah - takdir itu amat bisu,
dan aku cuma sebahagian dari "ceritanya"

love at first sight

both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.

because they didn't know each other earlier,they suppose that
nothing was happening between them.
what of the streets,stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?

i'd like to ask them
whether they remember--perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
an "excuse me" in a crowd
or a voice "wrong number" in the receiver.
but i know their answer:
no,they don't remember.

they'd be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
chance had been playing with them.

not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.

there were sings,signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.
perhaps three years ago,
or last Tuesday
did a certain leaflet fly
from shoulder to shoulder?
there was something lost and picked up.
who knows but what it was a ball
in the bushes of childhood.

there were doorknobs and bells
or which earlier
touched piled on touch.
bags beside each other in the luggage room.
perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.

every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.

Love at first sight by wislawa Szymborska

Thursday, May 13, 2010

no conversation

for the first time I don't know what i should write in my blog..

i have no ideas, and no words can describe my language.

today i sit with a different emotion not like before this i wrote what i felt.

no attention that i can get anymore.

today, god answered my prayer-unfortunately i'm frustrated for this moment.

i don't know and i don't want to know..

here..i speak alone, no conversation and no friend to talk.

i just only have memory in my mind..

life can "Y.O.U" change my destiny?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


here i learn about gambling of my life.

its 9.55pm now and i feel too tired because of so many things i have to catch up about architecture.

i still thinking about what happened to me today and unexpected call from Shirley.
i don't want to talk about shirley.

for me, she is not professional because of she cannot accept my opinion regarding our new project in Sungai Besi. I just gave my opinion and what i think is the best for this project. Unfortunately, i had a bad conversation with Shirley and she said that i have no experience. we just talked about a new concept of proposal, Thats all.Is it wrong if I wanna share with her what i learnt from razif.

sometimes,people always not appreciate what we do for them and until one day its hurt our feeling.

what you did it doesn't mean you can get it back.

I wonder if time has changed the way i am.

what i think now is should i quit from this job?

sometimes i don't want to- but its unexpected.

Monday, May 10, 2010

zulkarnain tidal

guess who sms me just now?

zulkarnain tidal-ajad's bestfriend,and he asked me how long have i been missing in fb..i closed my fb account because i have my own reason and he's no need to know about that.10 months i have been missing in fb.

i ask myself-is it anyone care about me?

i ask myself again-do you remember me?

*action speak louder than words*

should i?

my new journey - new hope and new environment.

today i start my new job with arkitek tressie yap.first think on my mind.what should i do today? only me and peng wei in the office?damn!!
let me introduce my new friend,peng wei. He's 32 years old and still single but not available.peng wei is a project architect and he so friendly with me.

my first day- now i still draft design for our new project in sungai besi, and the problem is no internet in my office so i cannot open email that tressie send to me.
and then i got a problem with my lunch time-serious i have no choices and i don't know what to eat.

what i feel now?nothing - I don't know what to say but at least i try to improve myself.

i ask myself again..

should i give up?


Friday, May 7, 2010

rumi by coleman barks

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.

bye bye biotech

hari ni hari terakhir aku kerja sebagai staff cssd.macam2 ucapan aku dapat,kad dan senyuman aku dapat.guys,i gonna miss u all-lepas ni pergi hiking ker melancong ker main go kart ke ajak aku tau.
1st aku nak ucapkan thank u kat razif aziz cos bagi kata2 semangat kat aku before dia pergi chicago.

i love u guys..

nik naziah-thanx sebab jd kawan aku,teman aku nak pelok2 dan berangan bersama2..nik pasni aku dah takder kalau kau nak duduk kat peha aku dan pinjam sikat.
azie-pasni aku tak boleh buat nescafe kau lagi tau.
pui yee- kau tetap melayu walaupon kau cina.huhuhu..mesti rindu nak dengar kau berceloteh.
asri-ingat saat aku pegang tangan kau sebab takut nak panjat broga hill..babe keep in touch.
rozie-hari ni dekat 10 kali kau lalu depan aku kata kau sedih jgn sedih ye kau tetap senior aku 1 unisel.
liza-mu jaga adikmu si nik naziah ni..kang dia asik complain nak berenti keje.
andrew-bro dont forget me..kau kawan baik aku.
fazzil;jangan lupa pelok bear mr bean kalo rindu fara.sorry tak dapat teman jogging lagi dah.
azlan low-lan jaga diri elok2 jangan senyap jer tau..
siew mun-dont be sad lah dear..i'm here for u lah..
angela lai-HELLO angela..i will miss the way u say good morning to me.
amiey ahmad-kak pasni u baca blog i selalu k..jangan lupa produk2 terbaru bobby brown dan mitch and marc..kak thanx cos dulu selalu dengar cerita2 pasal my bf.
kak june-congrats dah dapat anak sorry cos tak sempat jumpa.
qabrini-babe pasni calling2 aku yee..jgn asik call vivi jer..take care.

guys thanx for everything..pasti akan rindu korang semua..

yang penting aku tetap gothic walaupon jauh dari korang..ekekekek

Thursday, May 6, 2010

kata-kata amanat

I received this email from fazil..anyway thanx fazil for everything..I know its hard for me to say good bye. guys!!wish me luck ya..


Kehadapan saudara ku Farah,

When I first met you, the first thought that crossed my mind was “wowwww tinggi nya”…the second thought was “Gothic nya”…hahaha…


At first, I am quite not comfortable being near you, maybe because of your Gothic style & your Boyish character…but after some time, with your ‘happy-go-lucky’ attitude, like to greet others, helpful etc I began to get used to you…to tell you frankly, I am the type that do not know to curse, say harsh words etc…that could be why at first I don’t feel easy with you…but, you are so cool…I began to like you as what you are…I began to take you as what you are…the longer I know you, the more that I know you have the potential to succeed in life…you have the creativity…you also have the initiative…you are born with strong mind…you can survive in various conditions…you have a lot of good things in you, maybe more then what I have…be grateful of everything that you have & continue to strive to improve yourself to a better life & in a better way…Pray to Allah, ask for forgiveness, and ask Allah to show you the right way to go…follow your instinct and may that instinct will bring you to the best life that you deserves…

You once told me that you were a tomboy…but tremendously, day by day, what I see in you, you are turning into more ladies and I really like that transformation…that shows people can change their selves…it depends on your mind set…people can change to whatever they want…you can…from a tomboy to a beautiful lady…

I mentioned just now, you have the potential to succeed…as a big brother, this is my advice, try to take & digest whatever advice or critics from others…whatever good things for you & may be good for you & can help you to improve to be a good person, try to absorb it in…& whatever that you feel is not appropriate & not relevant for you, still take it as a positive thing okay…Maturity is when you can sense your concern to others outweighing your concern to yourself…use other people around you as a mirror for you to see what other people think about you…there is a proverb, it sounds, if 3 people say the same thing about you, you might want to think about it, maybe what they said is true…maybe by improving yourself, it can create a better environment for you & others, maybe you might want to consider their advice…it is not wrong to change yourself, if it is for your own good & good for others as well…we live in a community, so we should try not only to pleased ourselves but also most people around us…try to make good judgments from the situation around us & from the critics that we received from different peoples…

Please forgive for whatever bad things that I said & done directly at you as well as the bad things that I have said & done at your back…Please ‘Halal’ all things that I owe you…Thanks for being my jogging partner, my laughing partner, thanks for lending your ears every time I need someone to hear my problem & the most important thing is THANKS FOR BEING MY FRIEND… I really hope that our friendship will continue for eternity…I really hope that we can meet each other once a while, get together, with Nik, Kak Liza and others…never forget us here…remember us always…I hope, when I meet you next time around, you have turned into a beautiful butterfly, spreading your beautiful wings & fly happily & freely…

Sayangi sebuah perkenalan kerana disitu terdapat kemesraan. Kenangi sebuah perhubungan keranan disitu terdapat kerinduan dan hargai kedua-duanya kerana ia rahmat Allah S.W.T.

Every goodbye is the birth of a memory!

keep in touch…

yours truly,

Mohamad Fazzil Naziri Abdul Karim

our death is our wedding

Our death is our wedding with eternity.
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.

poems by rumi

charm oh hisham..

aku sangatlah teruja setelah melihat gambar2 si charm ni pergi gold coast..huhuuh..dalam banyak2 gambar aku suka satu gambar charm yang aku rasa sangat go international..hahhahaha..sorry charm aku copy paste gambar kau tapi takper ko sayang aku kan?nama pon kau abang aku..mestilah ko kene layan kerenah aku kan?hihihii..

*mari aku tunjuk gambar aksi2 charm*

charm yang agak bengang dengan burung unta yang sedang mengoda dia-cham kan aku dah kata kau hensem sangat go international.buktinya burung unta tuh sukakan kau..

gambar ni charm sorry aku tag sendiri cos aku memang suka dengan kangroo ni..comel jer aku nengok kan..

cham ko tak rasa ker arnab tuh macam aku?yang tang gigi tuh kan?

hisham hussain-charm dalam ni kau nampak sangat hotttttttttt-i lioooke~

P/s;charm ekekeke..nanti ole2 aku jangan lupa bagi yeep..excited ni..tapi kalau kau bawak balik kangroo sekor pon aku dah happy gile2..ekekekek

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

c a n

c a n YOU l E a V e mE a L o N e ?


It is 9pm and still raining,

Soon, I will leave the place that has been such a huge part of me growing up.


I learn and we learn together about

-e n v i r o n m e n t-

For the most part of yesterday,

It’s hard, but I’m still trying

And I realized something

If only I could hide everything

It’s been too long-not for a minute

And for me

*words say too much*

Monday, May 3, 2010

do I care?

should I say I'm not in the good mood because of Norma.
she makes me angry and I can't control my emotion now.
and you are such a hypocrite Norma.

I do not understand with HR department-is it difficult for them to accept my tender of resignation?if you have no experience regarding Human resources better u quit from Biotech.

for me, you are nothing norma.
but please don't insult my intelligence with your stupid reasons. yes i know you older than me but your mind set doesn't show me you are matured..
that why until now you still with executive secretary position because you always fuck about OTHER PEOPLE life..I'm repeat again you are nothing..

I promise you, you never happy with your life, because no forgiveness you can get from me..I really meant it..


I know there are such things as haters. people that don't like you for who you are. haters are people that think they are better than you. they talk about and do or say all types of stuff to you . because they want you feel bad about yourself ,when there's really no reason, they take time to make sure you are miserable.

Don't fuck with my life!!

a n d

You make my day- s u c k !


tentang seseorang..
takkan pernah pudar dari ingatan..
menjadi pujaan hati si dara,
takkan lenyap ditelan bumi,
syahdunya kerna si gadis masih menunggu..
hari yang ditunggu masih lagi dia nanti.

tentang seseorang..
yang sedang dikasihi,
berbisik pada malam..
seindah fasa yang terakhir..

takkan satu ketika ia berpaling,
dara sedang menanti..
esok harinya..