If I could pretend that I'm asleep,
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls..
I think nobody knows..

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

ich liebe Sie

ich vermisse Sie noch, wenn auch Sie mehr nicht meinig sind.
wissen Sie, wie viel ich Sie vermisse?
erinnern Sie sich an mich, wie ich mich an Sie erinnere?
manchmal w√ľnsche ich, dass ich die Zeit umkehren lassen kann, die Sie sagten, dass Sie mich lieben.

ja tue ich.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


the day before tomorrow* but we smile together*


yesterday wayne discuss with me regarding one project in labuan,sabah. and then he told me that tressie want me to join for this project.On the other hand, she also want me go for this training before i follow for this project.despite, this is not simple things for me cos i still new in architecture world. lots of things i have to learn.

the beggining..
i make a baby step in my life and start to move on from my previous life.
here sabah..i come!!!
i will grab this opportunity and learn something new.
i set on my mind that i never give up...
and for sure after this,i can be a better person..
this is my future and of course i trying do the best for my life.

guys*wish me luck* =)

Monday, June 28, 2010


mOOd; depressed

my life is not like docudrama but it more to reality and elegy
that i cannot describe by words.
I looked for life and saw it was a shade.
I saw the world and yet it is not spun.

and now i live,and now my life is done.
and now I die,and now i was but made.

is not like telegram
unfortunately i wrote for my destiny.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


aku bergelumang dalam lumpur yang dalam,
walau sedalam mana aku memijaknya tapi tidak tersampai setinggi harapan.
harapan yang aku letakkan sejauh utara disana,
yang belum tentu akan sampai walaupun aku berlari sekuat naluri.

apakah takdir itu bisu kemungkinan?
yang mungkin suatu hari akan lenyap oleh rasa tapi belum tentu akan lenyap oleh kata-kata.
indahnya saat aku berasa kau senyum lirik hati.
kakunya aku bila kamu kata kamu rindu aku.
sayang..cinta kamu suatu yang indah.
sedang aku kejar kamu..aku berteriak memangil kamu.
sehingga aku jatuh dipertengahan..aku tetap teguh tidak sesakit luka dikaki.
aku berada dihujung jalan menunggu kamu kali ini.
memegang kata-kata semalam.

mungkin kamu sudah lupa pada kehidupan lepas,
memiliki kamu seperti aku cuba mengapai bintang yang bercahaya.
berpayah aku memetik bintang untuk kamu.
supaya cahayanya terangi hati kamu bila aku tiada..

tidak lagi kamu muncul kali ini,
pantas kamu berkata "t.I.D.A.k".
Jika mencintai kamu adalah satu dosa
Adakah Melukai Aku...
Merupakan Satu Pahala?

Picture by faiz akhbar

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

shOOting sTar

I don’t like some of the choices someone made, well, it was One choices and it kinda says it all. It's like breaking what's been broken. But you just like to see me fall to pieces. Sometimes, I wish I could write about it, or even talk about it with some familiar faces. and i wish ignorance from your heart saying all that you are.

But now there's no turning back..

dear love,
did you finally get to see the one that you wanted to be?

Should if anybody ask about it- what about life that I loathe the most.

It’s the part that I lost, and never getting back. Exactly.

picture by faiz akhbar

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


selamat pagi dunia-hari malas sedunia telah merebak sampai ke hujung dunia.
hahah.ini disebabkan aku malas dan still tak sehat.
badan aku semakin susut disebabkan banyak faktor-fktor yang terancam sehinggakan semalam aku timbang berat aku dah turun lagi 5kg.bila aku congak2 dan kira-kira untuk bulan ni saje aku dah lost dekat 15kg.mak dah bising kata telampau kurus.
aku target nak berat 55kg.hahahahha.memang berani matilah.lagi 5kg lagi nak kene turun.

malam tadi aku tak dapat nak lelap mata entah kenapa lah aku mimpi yang bukan-bukan.
setiap sejam aku bangun after mimpi tuh.
badan aku still sakit-sakit lagi disebabkan aku asyik tak sehat je.its normal for me~

life- aku dah mula bosan kerja disini.aku perlukan sesuatu yang baru.
sampai bila nak macam ni.aku enjoy life aku sekarang dan aku banyak habiskan masa dgn arif after kerja.dia lah kawan baik aku yang paling aku sayang dan yang paling aku percaya.

aku rindukan suasana di cssd tempat aku membesar disana dan belajar erti kekeluargaan.aku rindu razif yang banyak ajar aku erti hidup.bayangkan sampai sekarang aku tak pernah melupakannya.
dari dia aku belajar untuk efficient dari segala bentuk.
tapi tidak bagi disini yang hanya mementingkan kesempurnaan dalam sesuatu tugas,tapi tak mementingkan dari segi mutu dan juga idea.

semoga hari ini lebih baik dari semalam =)

Sunday, June 20, 2010


people please don't makes me hate you,i don't want to know about your feeling cos you also didn't care about my feeling too.i hate when you always says u love me.reminder for you or anyone " please don't fuck with my life".. cos you just waste your time waiting for me.
this reminder for you and anyone who really like to message me or call me. just waste your time, because i really enjoy my life now without you guys.
so please leave me..and go away from my life.
cos i have my own reason.

thank you.

biri-biri 1 2 3

hari ni aku tak berapa nak okay cos mood aku ditempat kerja agaklah sedikit tak betol. pagi-pagi lagi datang je aku tengok wauuu surprise.*dalam hati* banyaknya paperwork?list kerja tak payah cerita bukan mengurang but menambah.
sabar jerlah akukan...jam di pc menunjukkan pukul 2.26petang.lagi 3 paperwork aku tak siap.ikshh aku ni dah sawan ar tengok kerja menimbun.lepas tuh aku rasa macam serius aku nak berhenti kerja..

aku ada masa lagi 8harisebelum permohonan ditutup.nak ker tak accept tawaran belaja ni???
huhuhu..aku sangat kebuntuan.

aktivity di office hari ni ialah membaling file.menconteng-conteng meja dengan hasil seni aku yang memang sengaja aku huraikan dengan emosi.

to raja ibrahim putera aka yem..syg yem lah sebab concern pasal aku..

mood;aku sedang mengira biri-biri 1 2 3....okay masa untuk mencari fail-fail yang sudah aku terbangkan tadi.

Friday, June 18, 2010

abah's house

each place has it's own sound. I can still remember the time i lost my mom. Abah said mom will be going a place far away where she will be love of many.The days after began as usual but not for abah..

he is quiter since mom is gone. I know he was sad but he was trying not to show it.

As i grew up, it seems that i make it harder for abah even how angry he is.
Now,abah is gone.But this place and it's sounds reminds me of everything that hapenned then.

that is how the "archustic" is perceived by everyone.
but only a few that realized it...

abah's house by danial archintosh
multimedia competition for archustic | XXII
architectural workshop 2010
"jury special mention" award winner

I just finish watching this video and it makes me think about myself.
maybe sometimes i has the same feeling like Lan -the character for abah's son.
it makes me realized how lucky i am cos i still have my dad.
sometimes i never appreciated him because of he always scolding me.
but i know what he do it just everything for me.
he want me to be a successful person.
But i was the one who was always argue with him.

*papa never said he love me but i know the truth is he love me more than what he have*

and today i want to says that I really love my dad because he is a my first boyfriend and he's never betray me.
how lucky i am cos i still have Papa.
and now i always remind myself- i don't want hurt papa's feeling.
cos i love him =(

Thursday, June 17, 2010

and i

*busy at office*

and i start searching for a new life.

in my mind- i wish i'm not here


i want to be like you.

can i?

picture by asharah kamarul


saya sedang bicara pada udara.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


when i read megat eusoff's blog my mind focus with this story and i would like to share it with you guys.

Have you ever been in love?

Horrible, isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses.
You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you,
then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person,
wanders into your stupid life.

You give them a piece of you.
They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness.

So a simple phrase like :
'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive'.
Turns into a glass splinter working its way
into your heart.

It hurts.

Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt,
a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
Nothing should be able to do that.
Especially not love.

I hate love."

~ Rose Walker

endless copy from megat eusoff.

morning with a smile

a very good morning to everyone especially to son peng wei.i'm so proud with myself because i come early to the office but don't be suprise if you look my office dress up for today-jeans,the beatles tshirt,mickey's snickers and don't forget also with my rayban.

i don't think so that i'm wearing casual dress up looks like i wanna go for gig. Don't judge me people =)

and i still thinking about my dad said he's agree if i wanna continue my study but he gave me a few options like allowance,fees & university.he want me continue my degree in Unisel.erkkk..should i back to unisel? but if i choose Unisel it just take 2 years for degree after transfer my credit hours.and i also make a little bit comparison with unisel and Unikl.the result more to Unikl because Unikl is under Mara and its easy for me to get monthly allowance from mara.

okay i already miss you nazrin aka manja.i'm so proud with you.Finally you continue your study in diploma in information technology.but you are so far from family.despite, you have to learn how to be independence person.
yesterday can teach you about Life.

reminder for myself-nothing is possible if you attempt to get it.


hari ni aku nak kata kat diri aku "farah please wake up from your dream and back to reality"..
aku tak tahu nak rasa apa?oh where's my feeling guys?is it i have no feeling now?weird or unconscious?ok let me not into the feeling.
back to the story,i got offer letter from Unikl.
offer course for bachelor (hons) engineering tech in business management.
please i hate business.honestly speaking i have no choice.
i call Unikl and then ask them the next intake for Naval architecture in MIMET.unbelieveable the next intake for this course is next year on july,2011.
erkkk,that time my age 23.

what's in my mind is after 4 years i will finish my degree and that time my age "26"!!
and i still hold the offer letter.should i discuss with my dad?
for sure he's dissagree.

suddenly i thinking about my dream job.
talisman energy-the famous oil & gas company.
i just learned to be "orang besar"..

dear lord,
please make it real for me..
hope my wish come true..

my busy day makes me wonder but not WoNder GirlS

where's my spec? maybe this is the third time i asking the same question =)

aku dan tuhanku

Tuhan, Kau lahirkan aku tak pernah kuminta

Dan aku tahu, sebelum aku Kau ciptakan

Berjuta tahun, tak berhingga lamanya

Engkau terus menerus mencipta berbagai ragam

Tuhan, pantaskah Engkau memberikan hidup sesingkat ini

Dari berjuta-juta tahun kemahakayaan-Mu

Setetes air dalam samudra tak bertepi

Alangkah kikirnya Engkau, dengan kemahakayaan-Mu

Dan Tuhanku, dalam hatikulah Engkau perkasa bersemayam

Bersyukur sepenuhnya akan kekayaan kemungkinan

Terus menerus limpah ruah Engkau curahkan

Meski kuinsyaf, kekecilan dekat dan kedaifanku

Di bawah kemahakuasaan-Mu, dalam kemahaluasan kerajaan-Mu

Dengan tenaga imajinasi Engkau limpahkan

Aku dapat mengikuti dan meniru permainan-Mu

Girang berkhayal dan mencipta berbagai ragam

Terpesona sendiri menikmati keindahan ciptaanku

Aahh, Tuhan

Dalam kepenuhan terliput kecerahan sinar cahaya-Mu

Menyerah kepada kebesaran dan kemuliaan kasih-mu

Aku, akan memakai kesanggupan dan kemungkinan

Sebanyak dan seluas itu Kau limpahkan kepadaku

Jauh mengatasi mahluk lain Kau cipatakan

Sebagai khalifah yang penuh menerima sinar cahaya-Mu

Dalam kemahaluasan kerajaan-Mu

Tak adalah pilihan, dari bersyukur dan bahagia, bekerja dan mencipta

Dengan kecerahan kesadaran dan kepenuhan jiwa

Tidak tanggung tidak alang kepalang

Ya Allah Ya Rabbi

Sekelumit hidup yang Engkau hadiahkan

dalam kebesaran dan kedalaman kasih-Mu, tiada berwatas

akan kukembangkan, semarak, semekar-mekarnya

sampai saat terakhir nafasku Kau relakan

Ketika Engkau memanggilku kembali kehadirat-Mu

Ke dalam kegaiban rahasia keabadian-Mu

Dimana aku menyerah tulus sepenuh hati

Kepada keagungan kekudusan-Mu,

Cahaya segala cahaya

aku dan tuhanku by Sutan Takdir Alisjahbana

Monday, June 14, 2010


Love is a choice... The older you get and if you've been burnt enough, you actually paint yourself a picture of who and what you want in life. You don't fall in love immediately. If a woman chooses to give a man a chance, she usually ends up loving him. For this type of woman, it takes time for her to fall in love; c...hoosing the right partner that deserves her unconditional love

Sunday, June 13, 2010

things we forget

"what are you going to do when I leave?"

"Come after you".

just like a pill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
You keep makin' me ill =(

this girl

friday night-hang out with arif & nina.

because i lost my memory and then arif and i decide to eat otak-otak..
i will show you how arif be a model of otak-otak.
this pictures take by arif.

* arif too excited eat otak-otak*

*i lost my memory-please help me..awwwww*

saturday with nina & nazrin-before the party.

i don't know what to do cos my parents is not here. so i decide to follow nina and nazrin.

this picture i snap use blackberry and the picture not too clear.
but the most i like is my new hair style.
and again thanks to moon my hair stylist.i really like new hair style!!

why i love rayban???
am i looks like faizal tahir?
sorry arif too imagination in my mind now.

and then..
what i have done is i pierce my lips.
but i already take out it cos difficult for me to eat.

*arif and ann sofee really like it*-thanks guys.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

fly to the moon

location - hOme AlOne
jam menunjukkan pukul 8pagi,mata tak payah cakap taknak buka langsung.
adegan malas nak pergi kerja tuh pasti ada.sambil meraba-raba bawah katil.selamat kau ada kat bawah katil kalau tak satu hal aku nak cari mana kau telephone-lady gaga.

sms ku berbunyi begini
peng wei sorry i'm coming late today.

dengan muka rasa langsung tak bersalah.aku ambil masa 15minit je untuk bersiap dan aku barulah perasan.ouh hari ni anak-anak dara sali pakai baju kurung moden pergi kerja..lalu terdetik difikiran.adakah menjadi satu kesalahan jika memakai baju kurung pergi ke office.sudah tentulah tidak.hazel tak habis-habis tanya.aku dah berhenti ke asyik malas je.aku nak berhenti kerja diorang yang taknak bagi aku resign.macam-macam aku buat nak kasik diri diberhentikan tapi mission impossible aku gagal dijalankan.maka bersabarlah aku kerja disini.

next station-setiawangsa
aku tak faham dengan perangai manusia yang suka pandang memandang.alkisahnya ada seorang mamat baju hitam ni berdiri sebelah aku,tanpa segan dan kukumalunya dia senyum senyum kat aku.ya aku faham hari ni ialah HAPPY FRIDAY!!tapi tak perlu kau senyum lebih dekat 10minit.aku tahu kau pasti pelik tengok hair style aku yang pelik ni.yang penting aku buat hair style fesyen apa pun aku bayar pakai duit sendir so kau hanya mampu melihat dan jangan senyum sokmo.cos aku sangat tak berminat.
*senyum adalah satu sedekah*-maybe kau sedang mengumpul pahala?mungkin sebab tuh mamat tuh asyik senyum senyum.

dan kemudian aku blur sebentar bersama nescafe.
adakah menjadi satu kesalahan membuat rambut fesyen macam ni?
adakah menjadi satu dosa kalau aku buat gothic style?

dan yang paling tak boleh blar tahap dewa 19.sejak akhir akhir ni ada je manusia yang suka gangu hidup aku.penat aku tulis besar besar pakai font arial 40.
don't fuck with my life~
tapi ada jer yang ajak couple ajak kawen lah.
ehh kau ingat aku apa? adik adik kau nak main kawen-kawen.
yang paling tak faham bahasa,aku cakap aku taknak bercinta,aku taknaklah.
nak jugak paksa-paksa.
untuk minggu jer ni mereka bagi aku serabut sampai tiga orang ajak aku couple dan sorang ajak aku kawen.
guys,sorry kau tak nampak ker kat facebook aku..
tak faham-faham ker aku tak minat nak tahu pasal lelaki sekarang.

yang penting aku tahu apa aku nak buat,huh?pastu ada sape mamat mana ntah kecoh kata aku awek dia.kalau aku campak lesung batu kat muka kau memang kau jangan tanya kenapa.

life oh life i want fly to the moon and be back for noon.
*tetibe ayat ni merasuk mindaku*
gara-gara sekarang aku dah addicted dengan lagu James marrison-once when i was little.

love is hard

love is hard,especially when you love someone so badly.
nobody knows what your feeling and sometimes people do not understand what we try to explain to them.

i was the one, who would always dream about love.
there was a time when i trust someone..
yes i did..
and i spend every second of my life to make him happy.
but he's not mine anymore cos he don't wanna love me.

It's time to surrender,
It's been to long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces don't fit anymore..

it took three weeks for me to recover my pain.
i tried to make myself happy and nobody knows what i feel now.
people can see i'm okay but the fact is i am not okay.
i'm not pretend to be okay.
there was no place that i would not go and nothing that i couldn't do.
but i believed more then that the world could only get better.

there's no time left today.
I'm still here but it hasn't been easy and sometimes i'm scared of all this emotion.
and i'd love to forgive and forget..but love is hard.
and there's no one around can telling me the truth.
once,when i woke up and leave thursday morning.

i don't know why?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

this boy

I'm still here
But it hasn't been easy
I'm sure
That you had your reasons
I'm scared
Of all this emotion.

This girl tries her best every day
But it's all gone to waste
Coz there's no one around
This girl she can draw she can paint
Likes to dance she can skate
Now she don't make a sound..

I got to let it go

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Let me not to the marriage of true minds,admit impediments.
love is not love.
which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove,oh no!
it is an ever-fixed mark,
that looks on tempestes and is never shaken,it is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown.
although his height be taken.
love's not time's fool,though rosy lips and cheeks,
within his bending sickle's compass come.

love alters not with his brief hours and weks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom,if this be error and upon me proved, i never writ, nor no man ever loved.

nobody KNOWS!!

e X c I t E d & c U r I O U s

Sunday, June 6, 2010

ouh my god

tak tahu nak cakap apa untuk hari ni.dari last week shirley asyik jer mengangu life aku.sampaikan aku sangat2 stress kerja disini.
semalam dengan muka selamber je aku discuss dengan papa aku kata aku dah penat kerja dan aku taknak kerja buat sementara waktu ni cos aku sangat2 penat.aku cakap dengan papa aku dah apply masuk university dekat perak nak sambung study full time.aku apply kat Malaysian institute of marine engineering technology (MIMET) dan ambil course Bachelor of engineering tech (hons) in naval architecture and subsea engineering.
kalau dapatlah offer ni memang aku resign weh kerja kat architect firm ni..aku rela buat assigment dengan jadi student,serious aku rasa macam aku bazir masa dekat 2tahun jer..
oh aku kene move on weh dari life aku.
aku tak boleh jadi macam ni..
Cos aku tak boleh berkerja dengan orang yang terlampau berbudget dan orang yang tak boleh terima pendapat orang lain.

dah dekat berminggu-minggu aku hilangkan tension dekat gym dengan class dance semua.
selamat arif ada temankan aku..thanx babe ko memang bestfren aku..huhhuuuh.
paling best saat kita dance lagu usher-oh my god.

dan aku masih lagi pelik tengok diri aku yang dah susut berat badan ni.dan dengan rambut terbaru aku.bila aku takder keje mulalah kau merepek buat style pelik2.huhuuh. oh life...boleh tak aku cakap aku sangat-sangat penat.

rambut yang aku telah potong..tiada lagi rambut panjang ouh.

yeahh reimei ko tetap kurus walaupon kau tua dr aku kan.
bodohlah reimei aku rindu kau..huhuhuuh..kau memang cousin yang rock.thanx for your advice emy..yep2 aku akan coolkan diri emy..nanti kalo aku dah give up duduk sini aku akan follow ko kerja di johor..time tuh jangan tanya ar emy kalo aku asyik buli kau.but semalam memang bestkan kita semua dah besar..tapi aku tetap tunggu kau kawen dulu.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


when i woke up this morning the first things i want to do is send my tender of resignation letter to tressie. damn!!! i'm fight with shirley again...ikshhh..i dont know how come she can be operation manager but i think she so stupid and not deserve to get this position. because of the small things she start to blame me from A to Z..please don't make me come to KK's office and then slap your face.

lol- serabut face now *

p/s ; Lets go get a new life ~ and i promise vampires never will hurt you..


lihat ada 2 cinta tapi 3 hati

dan ia tidak akan berlaku adil;mungkin tidak


jika ini adalah satu kesilapan ; atau jika satu kesalahan

menyayangmu bagaikan meminta hujan di panas hari

mencintaimu seperti tiada keesokkan hari.


hati sedang merah;sakitnya tiada terperi


tiada siapa di antara kita berasa menang

cuma ego bersorak riang

bentuk by megat eusoff

Aku cuba bentukan diri ini :
Untuk memahami..apa jenis bentuk diri kamu.

Namun .. setiap kali , jawapan itu terbentuk:
Kamu berlalu pergi .. menjauh lari , dari sisi bentuk aku.

aku mula membentuk satu amaran -
Kamu bukanlah.. ruang indah terbina terbentuk

Kamulah cahaya ... yang memenuhi masuk :- Setiap Bentuk

by megat eusoff-bentuk