september 1, 2010

today i start my new job as research analyst. It's not easy to catch all of this in one day, and the best part lot of things i've learn from here. The environment was okay and not like my past experience with architecture firm.
today, got two new staff including me. I was the only one Malay girl here.
All staff here more to indian girls. but no discrimination here.
I like to learn how to do report from Geena. She's preety and kind of girl.
I think I would like my new job.
I can see my natural smile and perhaps my smile can makes me more confident with myself. I got a new name here. Because I cannot used my real name and this is one of the rules.
Today is September 1, 2010. I cannot waiting for hari raya cos i wanted to meet my special one. Yes, I'm happy with my life now.
I can take a new fresh air in my life. No more complain and hope i can do it better for my career.
This is the part of my life and i promise with myself i can do it and give a good performance in my career.
As i wish, i feel calm and happy =)

special people

Isn't it funny how some special people don't realize they're special at all?
they're thoughtful without even thinking about it. They're always right there when you call..
they share, not expecting a thing in return, yet always seem richer for giving isn't it lovely..
How those special people can teach us so much about living!
You're someone very special who can brighten any day with all the thoughtful, loving things you often do and say.. who you're someone very special,
who adds such joys to living and that is why you're loved so much..
for the joy you're always giving..

happy =)

i feel so happy rite now and i cannot stop smiling.
dear lord thanks for today. i don't know how to describe my feeling now.
for the first time i start to smiling back.
and the great things is i found back my real life.
now i just can say.

ya allah aku bersyukur dan sentiasa redha dengan ujian mu.
amin

move on

there's so much unknown in my life now. It's time for me to move on from this place.
my true place is not here maybe somewhere else. Anything can change in four months i have been here. i learn and i sometimes i feel so tired with people who really like judge my mental with a stupid things.sort of things like a small problem and i think is not worth it to stay here. I already packing my bag and inside my bag full with my paperwork, my design and my first building sketch.
i just want to make my life happy and i am really sure with my decision that i want quit from architect firm. No matter how, i still with my decision and no ones can change my decision.
now it's time for me to move on from my bad dream.
wake up and build a new life and maybe after this i can get better opportunity in my life. Cos i always believe in miracle.

fired

yesterday my boss fired me and the reason she fired me because she said that she are not satisfied with my performance.i guess the main reason came form shirley, cos why suddenly my boss still argue with me about stationary.it just a small things and no need to always complain with my boss.

today i feel like i don't want come to office and take all my things. i don't want to see my boss face because i lost my respect with my boss. and wayne he just pretend that he doesn't know anything. i don't like the way my boss judge me and like to compare me with another people.i have no problem with my past jobs. and the most i miss now is encik razif. yesterday we sms and i feel so down.he still the best boss that i have, he gave me advise and i still remember what he told me before. he was glad that i am taking charge of my working life and he hope i will be able to develop further where i'm going.

my heart not with me, it just my body sit in front of my pc and i pretend that anything never happen.i am wrong cos it makes me feel so down.
today i miss the moment working with CSSD team.we grow together.i think biotech is much better than here.

now i am not happy with my job and make me think twice.
actually what i really wanted in my life?
is it i attempt to get it?
i cannot create my destiny but i can have my own fate.
dear lord, give me a clue and make me happy with my life.
i need my happiness back cos i am not happy with what i have now.
it doesn't mean that i'm not grateful what i have now, but i just want something new that can improve my life.

just thinking if i can turn back the time that i leave biotech the first person i want to says i would like to stay working with him is encik razif.
i miss the way he talk, the way he advise me, the way he smile.
i wish i can see him again and be one of his team.

bila aku bengang

hari ni tah apa lancau malang gila nasib aku,dimulakan dengan morning mad by tressie.
kene maki pasal bende bodoh.aku rase gila nak hentak dia pakai tong air.huhuhu.
jahat dow buli aku.ikshhh apa ar kau ni,aku ramai gak kenal dengan cina,tapi kau macam haram lagi ar kan.tuh lah asyik bagi benda non halal jer kat aku.ingat aku makan piggy ker weh.grrrrrrrrrrr.
depress jer mood aku kan.tadi aku gila sedih now aku dah okay.
si peng wei asyik tanya aku okeh ker tak.aku kalau tak okeh mesti aku taknak cakap ar.
sebab kerja kat sini aku dah tak happy good lucky mcm dulu.bongoknyer company.
lantaklah aku nak cakap aperkan,aku nak apply cuti raya pon nak cut gaji aku.weh 300 tuh ingat tak banyak ker untuk cuti 2hari.melampau gila...
lepas tuh sebab jer dengar si shirley tuh.memang gile jahat shirley tuh pasal kau aku tak dapat permenant plus aku kene warning letter.

*suhana hamdan*
apa kata kau tolong aku letak tikus dalam beg boss aku.geram plak aku ni ha.

harap-harap cepat ar aku dapat kerja baru.buang penat masa dan tenaga aku jer kerja sini,tapi orang tak hargai.melampau-lampau bila aku senyap pijak kepala.
shirley tuh memang nak kene hentak dengan aku ni,hari tuh aku dah bagi warning kat dia nak lagi usik aku,salah orang ar shirley kau nak kenekan aku.

*shirley lie*
aku rase kau tak hebat lagi sebab kau tak dapat buat aku berenti.sebba tuh kau bengang kan?kalau cikgu yang aku tak suke dulu boleh kene berenti sebab aku,setakat kau,lebih dari tuh boleh aku buat.

pasal kerja kat sini,aku selalu tertekan,naik mental aku.

*arifin ramli aka ipin*
sorry hari tuh aku emo jangan terasa dengan aku babe,aku time tuh jiwa kacau dengan tekanan macam ni..

lepas ni korang tengok ar aku ajar korang cukup-cukup.tak guna bagi muka.melampau.
kalau boleh nak langgar musuh2 aku dengan train

ehh biarlah

tahu tak aku rasa apa hari ni?
aku rasa macam nak lari sekuat hati sebab aku happy...............
jangan tanya kenapa,aku kedekot nak cerita sebab aku dah berapa lama tak happy kan.
buat kata mak aku janganlah kedekot.
hahahahah.

when i woke up this morning i feel like princess who waiting for the price charming.
dah-dah fara jangan kau nak berangan.ikshhh.kau ingat ni cite cinderella ker?ataupon cita barbie.hahahaha.

aku suka satu lagu ni dari bittersweet-perfect match.
suhana bagi kat aku.

ouh lupa nak kenalkan aku ada sorang kawan baru nama dia suhana hamdan,nama glamer dia ana. rase nak jer aku nyanyi lagu kat dia-keroncong untuk ana.
bila aku tengok dia teringat diri aku yang lama,dia ni gila cool okeh.aku suke kawan dengan dia,sebab dia baik,tak mengelabah,cakap ikot suke.dan dia adalah seorang kawan yang caring.bertuah saper dapat kawen dgn ko ana.hahahaha

dahlah masa untuk tido. i love bantal busuk

unhappy

hari ni banyak kali aku pujuk mata aku jangan sedih jangan menangis sebab aku tahu penat dia tahan dari menangis,ipin kau cepatlah sehat k.aku tak happy ipin skrg.
aku tak happy.
ipin..
manusia kat luar tuh semua kejam ipin.semua sakitkan hati aku,ingat aku takder perasaan ke?aku ada perasaan tapi diorang tak pernah peduli perasaan aku.
diorang pentingkan diri,sampai aku pon diorang lukai.

aku tak happy dengan life aku.
manusia kenapa kau kejam?

cukup sudah

hari ini aku kaku bila nampak kamu.
kenapa?kerana aku suka kamu.
hari ini aku resah tanpa arah.
kenapa?kerana kamu tidak dapat aku cari.
hari ini aku rasa kehilangan kamu.
kenapa?kerana kamu tiada didepan mataku untuk disentuh.

suatu hari, saat aku sedang berjalan disebelah kamu,
kamu tahu betapa aku suka mencuri pandang wajah kamu.
supaya suatu hari aku tidak lupa rupa yang aku sayang.
aku melihat kamu sebagai ciptaan terindah.
indahnya kamu bila senyum.
jangan senyum melirik hatiku,
aku takut aku jatuh cinta pada kamu.

saat aku berjalan dibelakang kamu,
aku cuba menghampiri kamu,
tapi aku takut kamu tidak menyukainya.
lantas..
aku kehadapanmu, memotong langkahmu.
tapi kamu menarik tangan ku lalu dipegang erat.

aku cuba lihat pada mata kamu. mencari jawapan yang aku tidak pasti.
tanganku masih erat digengam kamu.
tapi sayang, jawapan yang aku cari tidak aku ketemui.
aku pujuk hati diri, supaya jangan terlalu mengharapkan kamu.

tanya aku pada perasaan sendiri, adakah kamu merindui aku?
adakah kamu sayang aku?

tapi sayang,
kamu membalasnya dengan ego.
tahukah kamu bahawa aku sedang tunggu sesuatu dari kamu?
dan aku masih menunggu..
tapi kamu hanya senyap membisu

today

today is my bad day,
i hate this year and i won't remember this year.
she was the one who really like to insult my intelligence and influence me with a stupid facts.
do something not relevant.
i try to put myself away from this bad things.
i never regret with my decision.
i was the one who really to be her nightmare.
i promise you, i will be your nightmare, every night in your life.
you are not deserve to judge me and do you think that you are a good enough.
no i don't think so.
you just pretend in front of people.
believe or not i hate the way you scold me, i hate when you like to remains me for many time to time.
i hate this year and still hate this year.
you are my ghost and i'm your nightmare.

jangan pandang-pandang?

selamat pagi matahari,
hari ni aku masuk office pukul 10 pagi,penat gila aku hari ni,
sahur tadi aku muntah gila-gila,tak tahu kenapa sejak akhir-akhir ni susah nak terima makanan dalam badan aku.
aku asyik pening jer ouh.
penat kerja lagi.kadang-kadang tuh nak je rasa nak resign kerja sini,tapi malangnya aku takder backup kerja lagi so tak boleh ar resign kan.
serious cakap aku semenjak kerja sini, memang sangat stress ar,sampai berat aku turun melampau.
ni puasa dah one week aku punya badan lagi susut.
selalu puasa-puasa yang lepas aku mesti melantak tak hingat dunia,pastuh buka puasa minum air nak gelas besar siap ada ais-ais berbagai.
now aku buka puasa, makan kuih 2-3 ulas dengan nescafe panas aku dah kenyang.
kalau makan lebih jer mulalah aku loya nak muntah.
dah macam orang pregnant plak aku ni,
orang pregnant pon tak macam aku.
hahahhahaha.
hari ni sejuk gila lat office,kulit aku kering gila,muka aku dah start pucat, badan sakit-sakit.kaki aku dari tadi asyik kejang jer.pantang sejuk asyik kejang.
selamat aku tak kekejangan otak.
tadi waktu nak pergi kerja dalam train ada dua orang mamat poyo ni,bagi aku poyo lah cos mengelabahkan?
sebok pandang-pandang aku,pastuh sengih-sengih.
aku memang tak suke orang pandang aku..
cos dalam otak aku mesti aku fikir..

"baju aku tak okeh ker?ker muka aku macho sangat sampai nak pandang2"???

temanya jangan pandang2 nanti termakan libas dr aku.
aku penat sangat ar beberapa hari ni.
nak jer aku send suratr esign and then bercuti dekat tempat-tempat yang tenang.

ok sila angkat kaki saper nak join aku bercuti??
aku otak tak boleh fikir ni..
sebelom ipin send aku ke tanjung rambutan.
ahaks..ipin gila!!!

ahaks

arghhhh.okeh2 aku praktis jerit sebab aku stress gile kerja.
lepas tuh si peng wei tak habis2 usik aku.budak ni memang nak kene hentak dgn aku ni.
beberapa hari ni jiwa aku agak kacau sedikit, al maklumlah kerja pon stress.
duit pon tak ramai..nak jer aku nyanyi lagu. i want to be a billionaire so fucking bad,hahahahha.

aku bosan dah dengan life aku yang takder meaningful ni.
nak something yang baru.
kata kak emy, kenapa blog aku sekarang jiwang dan sedih2.ini disebabkan aku mengalami ganguan emosi disebabkan faktor orang yang disekeliling aku.
yelah aku pon bosan dengan diri aku yang baru ni.
aku rindu diri aku yang lama.

dah lah fara kau tak payah nak sedih2.
saper fuck pasal life kau,kau libas jer orang tuh balik.
don't give a damn.
erti kata lain..
kalau orang menyebok life kita,kita sebok balik life orang tuh.

to arifin ramli,
weh bebanyak time kasih sebab kau sellau ada waktu aku sedih,nangis mcm orang gila,pastuh psycho mcm mak lampir,but u still be my good friend.

to kak emy,
thanx sedarkan fara,kalo tak still nak jiwang2 sedih.hahahhaha

to monoroyos aka fazelan,
ekau memang terbaik dr ladang,den suko jo kalo ko ado dengan den.samo jo gilo.


to arif dahalan,
kau makhluk tuhan paling sexy dan paling aku syg,
hugs untuk kau cos kau aku patut bg awards.

to yem,
thanx lah sebab kau buat aku happy walaupon kadang-kadang kau ni cakap main straight to ampang point.

to myself,
fara congrats cos finally u find ur true self.


xoxo.
ada aku kesah dengan korang?hahahha

aku dan tuhanku

dalam diam, aku mencuri waktu.
membiaskan cahayanya menusuk jiwaku.
rindu ku padamu tuhan.
biar berelok-elok aku mengatur langkah.
sujudku padamu.


aku dan tuhanku,
dengan namamu yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang,
cintamu tidak pernah kurang, tapi ditambah kasihmu.
tuhanku, mungkin ini bukan yang pertama.
saat aku mengharungi waktumu.
telah kau titipkan doa para malaikat.

ketika malam aku menunggu dengan tabah,
witirmu sesudah salam akhir.
tuhan, jangan biar ramadhan itu pergi,
nanti aku akan merindu,
singkatnya berganti waktu.

sedang saat aku menunggu subuhmu.
melihat aku pada erti syukur.
tuhan indahnya cinta kamu

saat aku sedang bersujud...

be with you

if one day i ask u to be mine?

can you?

I wanna be with you..

I just wanna be with you..

Just to be with you.

because,

you're special and you still..

are...

hari ni dalam sejarah

hari ni tak berapa baik cos si wayne telah terdeleted file projek dalam pc aku.paling sedih takder back up broooo.
aku punyalah marah dengan sedih lagi.adoiii.aper lah malang hari ni,dengan kaki aku luka lagi.
aku memang sedih gile lah tak payah cakap satu-satu cos aku sekarang rasa macam nak nangis jer.adoiii.
fara stop thinking!!
i cannot stop to thinking cos lots of problem in my life.
arghhh macam ni aku boleh gila tahu takkkkk.
rase mcm nak terjun bangunan pon ada,nak gigit orang pon ada.
fara oh fara kesian ko.
aperkes dengan kau hari ni.
jangan tanya cos hari ni hari palat sedunia.
boleh tak aku nak resign dr kerja sini?
penat gile layan kerenah manusia yang tak faham2 bahasa ni.

arifffffffffffffffffffffff dahalannnnnnnnnnn
malam ni jom jumpa aku,rindu kat kau.
at least ada kau takderlah gila aku.

mood;depress.

peculiar

I write for myself,with a part of me doesn't know how to leave, how to say goodbye for those moments that strike me in the middle of the night, for the stories that are patiently waiting to get out of my head.

But today i'm woke up with a thousand questions of my life.

I seek to hide myself behind shadows and light, and it is your choice to pick and choose between the lines, to attempt to fish out the truth behind the fiction.

I wonders silently..

I miss you because you've changed.

he just not that into you..

there's nothing to say the day he left.
there's nothing words can change your mind towards me.
O my heart, impossible my destiny was change again.
he left me..
he left me..
he left me again..

he just not that into you my dear.
pity with your heart.
he doesn't know your feeling.
he doesn't know..
and he don't want to know.

love...
don't come to me.
please go away my dear love.
you makes me feel sad when i start to fall in love.

love...
don't makes me hurt.
but your promise will kill me slowly.
your heart not for me.

my glass is full with blood and half with my anger.
you are not for me.
you are not for me my dear.
you leave me..

can you see i stand alone?
without eyes of your heart
without you..
without you..

you kill my feeling..
no ones know

no title

we read the whole story about life,
one day you start to write but your writing influence your mind.
the day is past with a feast of joy,
but today you live with regret.

before you wake up,i was realised something.
that you are not mine even though my heart still with you.

i still stick with you even though i never know the end of this story.

do you know what the title for this life?

he

one day someone telling me the truth about love,
he said " he's afraid one day he lost someone that he really care".
and he said again he doesn't know what the meaning of love.
because he never know his feeling.

i give him the answer.

love comes unseen, you cannot touch love,
but you can feel love by your heart.

do you get it?

but he still thinking *

manusia

semalam saat aku melihat kau senyum gembira, tahukah engkau bahawa dalam hati aku sebaliknya, aku cuma berasa seperti patung yang tidak bernyawa,boneka yang kau main bila ketika kau sedang bosan.

kelmarin saat aku melihat kau didalam keadaan pasrah, tahukah engkau bahawa aku berdiri dibelakang takbir berdiri erat memahami kamu. saat kau gembira aku dilupakan.

hari ini saat aku melihat kau sedang sibuk, tahukah engkau yang aku sedang memberi kamu ruang dan masa untuk bernafas di udara. saat kau lapang aku tidak engkau ingati.

tadi saat aku melihat kau sedih, tahukah engkau hati ku juga menangis kesedihan kamu.
saat kau ketawa kembali, aku tidak kau palingkan wajah.

lalu, aku membentuk suatu ilusi yang tepat pada ukuran wajah kamu.
yang aku bukanlah untuk dihargai tapi didatangi ketika kamu didalam kesedihan.
mungkin engkau juga lupa, yang aku mempunyai nafas, sedang berdengupnya jiwa untuk kamu, sedang kamu sibuk melayan dunia.
kamu lupa bahawa aku juga diciptakan sebagai M.A.N.U.S.I.A.
yang punya hati tapi tidak dilihat,
yang punya jiwa tapi tidak diendah.
waktu engkau sudah bahagia,
aku hanyalah boneka untuk kamu.

*sungguh aku tertawa dalam kesedihan*
kerana aku bodoh